Asshole driven development

[Since this was originally posted commenters have added 100+ addition methods – see the comments below]

The software industry might be the world’s greatest breeding ground for new systems of management. From Agile, to Extreme Programming , to Test Driven Development (TDD), the acronyms and frameworks keep piling up. Why?

Some say it’s immaturity: that software is still a young industry and all the change is the path to some true fundamentals. Others say it’s because software people like making things up and can’t help themselves. Well I say this: if we’re going to have dozens of models we may as well have some that are honest, however cynical, to what’s really going on much of the time. There is a happy list of these I’m sure, but this is the cynical one.

Asshole Driven development (ADD) – Any team where the biggest jerk makes all the big decisions is asshole driven development. All wisdom, logic or process goes out the window when Mr. Asshole is in the room, doing whatever idiotic, selfish thing he thinks is best. There may rules and processes, but Mr. A breaks them and people follow anyway.

Cognitive Dissonance development (CDD)
– In any organization where there are two or more divergent beliefs on how software should be made. The tension between those beliefs, as it’s fought out in various meetings and individual decisions by players on both sides, defines the project more than any individual belief itself.

Cover Your Ass Engineering (CYAE) – The driving force behind most individual efforts is to make sure than when the shit hits the fan, they are not to blame.

Development By Denial (DBD) – Everybody pretends there is a method for what’s being done, and that things are going ok, when in reality, things are a mess and the process is on the floor. The worse things get, the more people depend on their denial of what’s really happening, or their isolation in their own small part of the project, to survive.

Get Me Promoted Methodology (GMPM) – People write code and design things to increase their visibility, satisfy their boss’s whims, and accelerate their path to a raise or the corner office no matter how far outside of stated goals their efforts go. This includes allowing disasters to happen so people can be heroes, writing hacks that look great in the short term but crumble after the individual has moved on, and focusing more on the surface of work than its value.

I’m sure you’ve seen other unspoken methods at work – what are they?

Please add to the over 200 reader suggested methods in the comments.

513 Responses to “Asshole driven development”

  1. Thad Bryson

    God Only Development – Where only gods will do. Any problems or bugs will not be tolerated. Doesn’t matter how many users use the software, on how many different systems, what other software will be used with it at a later date, or anything else that may come up. If There are any problems it’s your fault and you will be in trouble.

  2. Ghost

    I never saw any of the infamous:
    1. DNFL (Drunk Now – Fix Later) approach.
    2. HDS (Happy Debugging Suckers) technique.
    3. OGCJM (Only God Can Judge Me) development.

    and my personal favorite
    4. LSIYCKUTTMDHE (Let’s See If You Can Keep Up This Time My Dear Hardware Engineers) religion.

  3. e-commerce

    DRTBD : Don’t Rock The Boat Development.

    Satisfies all those senior developers that are looking forward to retirement and don’t want to develop on anything that was not tried and proved during the 90’s, the decade in which their latest mindset update took place.

    1. OldCoot

      Man those old fogey developers are so stupid. I’m glad like you we’re mostly rid of them.

      1. FatGuy

        HDD: Hormone Driven Development: Development done by some young guys who think they know it all (evident by posts like that from the little tyke OldCoot). These HDD kids lack social skills and tend to write convoluted, over engineered code hoping to impress everybody (even the old guys they despise). Instead of taking advantage of being mentored by older developers who have been writing code since these young dummies were still in their mother’s ovaries, they are arrogant self-promoting, blowhards who are TOO STUPID to know they suck as a developers. They are too immature to understand that the older guys have met and overcome challenges in their careers unknown and unfathomable to these young maggots. Sometimes these young ‘uns are even promoted into an ADD position for a short term until they fail and are removed. Go ahead now kids – think of something clever and condescending to write in a reply now.

        1. pacocap

          Every word is true. The ignorant, immature, untrue remark above proves it. If you want a real laugh, go to the KODI/XBMC forums and read all the little troll-girl replies from the kiddie coders to people who raise legitimate issues about their absolutely crappy, buggy app. Not having ANY experience or knowledge or historical perspective, these underachieving, over-praised, narcissistic little wankers have nothing to offer and can only break down into name-calling, finger-pointing, little temper tantrums. That’s why, increasingly, we have crappy buggy apps in general, coming from big companies. The programming ‘gene pool’ is drying up as older, more mature, more intelligent, more experienced programmers are displaced by ‘cheap help’.

          1. Scott Berkun

            “these… narcissistic little wankers have nothing to offer and can only break down into name-calling”

            This would seem to put you in the same boat with them.

          2. pacocap

            “This would seem to put you in the same boat with them.”

            Not really. I’m just responding to an obvious agist. Agism is the new racism, the new sexism, the new homophobia. It deprives its victims of the respect and dignity they have earned, and of a means of making a decent living. You wouldn’t criticize a black person for responding to a racist remark, so why do criticize this?

  4. Matthias Johnson

    I humbly submit the following:

    “color driven design”, where the code doesn’t matter, as long as it’t he right shade of blue. If you work on the backend you don’t have restrictions, since it doesn’t matter.

    “accent based engineering”, where the guy with the German accent clearly has the greatest engineering skills.

    “half cost procurement strategy”, where it’s great as long as we can do it for half the cost.

  5. Yoda B Sith

    Microsoft developers and/or their leaders, are one or both of the following.

    – fucking sociopaths who delight in the frustration of others
    – fucking incompetent

  6. Since 1974

    EDD – Error Driven Development. Cubicle dwellers are constantly putting out fires, chasing bugs, fixing bugs, debugging, patching bad code, breaking data type interfaces, all because of short-sighted managers who love golf more than software quality. Combined with silly rules like “be here by 8am” regardless of 60 hour weeks and saturdays/sundays. EDD mimicks natural control systems found in nature.

    1. Adrienne

      Throw It At The Wall Development (TIATWD).

      Satisfies the CEO who suffers from true ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and keeps shareholders confident that the company is releasing one great feature after another. A key to successful TIATWD is that that the company cannot be bothered to observe what happens to the wall because it is too busy slinging the next pile.

  7. Cédric

    ISRAEDD ::= IntelliSense R# Alter+Enter Driven Developement

    Press Ctrl+Space choose something and, press Alt+Enter to add reference no matter which layer, choose a method and think “If it is public then it is OK”.

  8. Xasal

    WHD = Work Hours Development

    A development process where developers make things work in dirtiest possible way just to mark their work hours for the bosses that they did something.

  9. Muhammad Adel

    HDD = Hacker driven development

    It is important to do it, no matter how you did it. Any type of constraints, weather from a language, design or methodology is refused. If it is not performing well, through more hardware at it.

    And of course the less lines of code you use the better, specially of you are using a cool feature from your scripting language the does some sort of magic, regardless of the fact that you are the only one who understand this code, and even you will not understand this code when you read it 3 month from the day you wrote it.

  10. Magnusson

    SMDD- Smothering Hen Driven Development
    -An addendum to ADD, where the asshole smothers you by sitting beside you all day like a hen does with her eggs and suggests a plethora of ideas that will render maximum counter-productivity and clobber any progress back to the stone age. This methodology is further supplemented by CTRL+Z Driven Development, when you follow the asshole’s advice but scraps it after spending much time, effort, and personal life once the client finds out you did something outrageously not in the design.

  11. LarryA

    RIPS – Reward Incompetence Punish Success

    In an ADD-driven environment, the most incompetent get rewarded by the more incompetent, for being members of the same ‘Stupid Club’. The successful, competent developers are punished for making the incompetent managers and their little kiss-asses look bad. Their goal is to force the competents out so the incompetents can continue unexposed and unchallenged.

    They follow the AABC rule–‘A’ people hire ‘A’ people while ‘B’ people hire ‘C’ people. Eventually there are only ‘C’ developers being lead by ‘B’ or ‘C’ managers.

  12. Olaf Radicke

    Overengineering Driven Development (ODD)

    Best way to create great Vaporware. The stable Version of ODD 1.0 coming soon!! …Really! …Sure!

  13. Jordan Georgiev

    [JAFA] Just A Few Alterations Development – consists of a team of at least 100 software engineers spending at least 5 years on fixing up, bootstrapping and building around a quick piece of software made by 5 people for 6 months.

  14. Domas

    [SUF] Soviet Union Factory methodology – documentation is not existant, one dev doesn’t know what other one is doing or what an overall project should do. Given small and specific tasks they stumble in the code blindly. Communication is kept to zero. Code is full of methods who perform exact same function. Patterns are either non existent or there’s as much of them as there’s developers rendering any effort to keep structure clean useless. Management thinks project is too big to fail

  15. Uffe

    Sweet post – Id like to add the Defcon Prioritization Technique (DPT). Where there always are multiple levels of artificial urgency to make sure the everyone keep busy and on their toes.

    1. Pete

      This is genius, I have seen this so many times. This technique involves long discussions about which level of artificial urgency to apply.

  16. brain

    TBOD- total brain overflow development
    if u develop things nobody understand …but it works fine.

  17. Patrick

    BDD- Beer driven development. Write as much code as fast as possible while black out drunk, then attempt to integrate while sober.

  18. mar77i

    UDD – uber-framework driven development.
    Your employer paid money for this piece of trash uber-framework and all the time spent is essentially spent on preventing the thing go self-aware and take over the universe…

  19. Johnny Cash

    I like to practice development driven by Johnny Cash. It’s where I waste a day trying to understand your worthless code while humming to the tune of “God’s Gonna Cut You Down”

  20. JustASpoonfulOfHoney

    How about HFDD – Hay Fork Driven Development – shovel as much hay on the fire as quickly as possible…and just keep doing that until whenever. AKA – SLOCDD where developers are rewarded for producing source lines of code (the only true empirical measurement of delivering value).

    Or DicDD – Dictator Driven Development – where the technology is dictated from up on high as well as the timeline and the design, and you are really just here to paint the walls. Related to CMDD (Code Monkey Driven Development) or CCDD (Cookie Cutter Driven Development) or H2NDD (Hammer to Nail Driven Development) where every problem is a nail and there is a silver bullet that was just sold to someone somewhere up there that can be used on every problem (which are all nails because we have this new hammer).



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