Why Fathers And Children Don’t Get Along
My next book is a departure and a risk. If you want to understand why, read the goal of my life explained.
I’ve been asking questions about fathers and sons my entire life, which makes it no surprise I’ve had a difficult relationship with my father. He is not an easy man to know, but as a child I didn’t know this. And as it is with all families, you can only see your family for what it is once you leave it and look back. It wasn’t until my twenties, when I moved away and started my own life, that I began to understand both myself and my father and began the work of unpacking our relationship, as broken as it was. So many of the feelings I had about myself weren’t really mine, but feelings I learned to have to try and fit into his world.
My next book, titled The Ghost of My Father, is about this relationship. Particularly the events of the last two years where he, at the age of 70, has chosen to abandon his family. It seems he was never quite happy with his life, or with us, observations he never shared until this last chapter where he tried to move away and start a new life. He had an affair once before while I was a child, with disastrous consequences for the family. And now I find waves of memories, feelings and thoughts from that time have been brought back to the present, memories and feelings that demand being reckoned with.
We think memory is stable, but all my memories of my childhood have shifted dramatically. Different stories from my past now seem far more important, and ones I thought were important now don’t seem to matter at all. I’ve returned to my journals, sifting through to look for more insight into why these memories are with me now, and others are not.
“Memory seems to be an independent creature inspired by event, not faithful to it. Maybe memory is what the mind does with it’s free time, decorating itself. Maybe it’s like cave paintings. The thing is, I’m old enough now to know that the past is every bit as unpredictable as the future, and that memory, mine anyway, is not a faithful recording of anything, and truth is not an absolute.” – Abigail Thomas, Thinking About Memoir
Last night I watched the film The Return, about a father who returns to his two young boys from a mysterious ten year disappearance. There was something epic about the tones of the film and how fathers factor in many children’s minds as a powerful, ambiguous, possibly unknowable creatures. Certainly not all fathers are like this, but many are. And few of us have the courage to dig into the hard ground of our childhoods, despite our disappointments with our parents, to sort out who we are and who we want to be now that we’re not children anymore.
This 6th book will be my most personal one so far.
- If you want to be notified when the book is out, signup here.
- You can read more posts about the book.
- If you’re interested in this book, leave a brief comment (“I’m interested – go Scott!” works fine). I’ll be in touch as the book develops and is published. This blog won’t be shifting to be primarily about this project, so leaving a comment makes it easy to stay in touch with you.
- And of course films, books, and other stories you recommend I read are welcome too.
- If you have a related story to share about your relationship with your father, good or bad, I’d be grateful if you left a comment or sent me an email.
I’m interested! I think you definetely are on some ‘hot’ topic here, as you address questions each man (probably some women too, but maybe father – daughter relationships are a bit different at times) comes accross sooner or later.
Respect for your courage of approaching such a project, quite different than what you did in the past, and potentially painful for yourself and your family at times. All the best!
I’m very interested to see where you take this Scott. Fathers and sons, great topic and a rich vein. I admire your courage to dive into this. Writing about family — even in fiction — can be challenging territory but I have no doubt you will learn a lot and I look forward to learning from your learning.
One of the best Books On families, is the book from John Cleese and his therapist.
How To survive your family.
Hi Scott,
I am interested in your new book about your relationship with your father.
Alex
Thanks Alex.
Hi Scott,
I watched recently a movie that has lots of resemblance with the story of your father.
The name of the movie is Beginners and it has a very good cast, Christopher Plummer and Ewan McGregor:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1532503/
It is a sad story but worth watching.
Alex
This sounds like it would be a cathartic experience for you to write about your relationship with your father. Last year I started my own “memoir”, no intention of publishing it, more of a “get it out of my system” thing. Good luck, and I look forward to reading this one when it comes out.
Thanks Tisha. Memoir is definitely a fascinating experience as you suggest. I’ve kept a journal for most of my life but trying to tell the story in any coherent way is very different.
As a son who had a turbulent relationship with my father and as a father, I’m very interested to read your new book. I admire your courage, both for deciding to write it and for doing so publicly. I can imagine it’s going to be a difficult one to write.
I recently watched The Problem with the Curve. It’s a father-daughter film, but still worth watching. It explores why fathers may have trouble expressing their love, how we try to love up to their perceived expectations and the results of trying to love up to those expectations.
I’m in! There’s much to be said about the relationship between Raylan and Arlo Givens in Justified.
Hi Scott,
Please find below some books and movies suggestions:
Beginners movie – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1532503/
on father and son relationships
Prince Of Tides movie – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102713/
on father/mother and son/daughter relationships
Kramer vs Kramer movie – http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079417/
For One More Day book (Mitch Albom) – http://mitchalbom.com/d/books/3873/one-more-day
Alex
Price of Tides was based on a novel written by Pat Conroy who also wrote The Great Santini, a film I saw as a child and watched again recently. Many of his books document his troubled relationship with his father. His most recent book is non-fiction and focuses on similar themes.
Thanks for the recommendations.
This sounds like a great idea. Go for it, Scott.
sounds like a meaty subject, scott. kudos for tackling it.
i recently re-watched “the king’s speech”, and i thought that the brief scene where the future king shared with his father was rather poignant. and then in the most recent season of “downton abbey”, there was also a scene with an interaction between the king and crown prince that was also laden with hidden conflict.
the relationship fathers have with their families has been and will continue to be a rich mine for stories, and i’ll look forward to reading yours.
I recall enjoying The King’s Speech, but don’t remember the father son elements. I’ll check it out.
I’ll read anything you publish Scott. The really jolting thing to me is that your father would cut off all familial ties at the age of seventy. There’s got to be a hell of a story behind that unfathomable decision.
Thanks Tony. It’s a long story I hope to tell well and concisely :)
Go, Scott!! I’m looking forward to seeing how this project develops and will read it when you publish.
Also – Have you seen the Ingmar Bergman film, Autumn Sonata?
Ingmar Bergman sounds about right for this project :) I’ve seen a few of his films (Seventh Seal is one of my favorite movies) but not that one.
I’ve seen it a few times. Most recently with my 16-year-old. It’s an emotionally challenging film about a parent/child relationship (actually 2 children). I guess saying “emotionally challenging” is a bit of stating the obvious with Bergman though.
First: I’d be definitely interested; the line between being honest and not hurting other people is very thin.
Second: for a daughter/ father relationship with a twist, I would suggest you look into Jane Alison’s The sisters antipodes (stunning first paragraph there)
Sounds like a great project. Hope you find courage to pen the real events and stories. I also had challenging relationship growing up in Asia and things to got reconciled after moving to north america. It took long time understand his behaviours and expectations.
Now I am father of 2 boys as well. I am thinking how can I be better father to my kids than my father. I can tell you there no easy answers but only hard questions. Feel free to drop me line I will try to help you like I always did.
Sounds really intriguing, looking forward to it.
Yes, I want to see your book on this subject. Just as I said with your WordPress book, I would personally feel uncomfortable writing publicly and identifiably about people I work with or are related to, but if you feel comfortable about doing it, it is very interesting to read.
I’m interested. Whatever I can do, man. Seems very personal.
This could be a fascinating topic, though I’d imagine it could be painful to write about.
Aaron Sorkin’s work is full of conflicted father/child relationships. Pretty much every major character of his has some sort of issue with their father, but mother/child relationships don’t seem to get much of his attention. I’ve found myself wondering why that is.
I think the root of why the paternal relationship is so complicated is because we think the approval, love, and respect of our fathers is something that has to be earned, whereas mothers are expected to love their children no matter what. We wrap up a lot of our self-worth in the opinions of our dads. and that gives them enormous power over us. Some wield that power recklessly, and some don’t. I know there are plenty of examples where the reverse is true, but I’m speaking in general terms here.
I have read your books and have found them very interesting. I can see by reading this post though that our lives are parallel in this regard. My relationship with my father was the same and his actions were much the same as your father. I would suggest that you will find the process of writing the book a healing for you.
The one thing that I have learnt in my process (which will not be as public as yours if you write the book) is that blame exists on both sides, maybe not equally but it does exist. When I was younger (teens and 20’s) I put the blame all on one side, but afterwards with a bit of introspection and empathy I realised that while my father was not the perfect father, I at the same time was not the perfect son.
I would say write the book, both for yourself and for other fathers and sons.
Sounds great. The concept of memory changing as you age is fascinating. I’m almost 40 and believe some of my earliest memories are fabrications from photos rather than true recollections.
Second, I think the number of books about fatherhood is really small. Most books about children are written for women. I recognize that isnt the direction it sounds like you’re headed vs memoir but I think there’s more of a market for books about fathers and sons than is available.
I really like the quote from Abigail Thomas. Our memory is not always an accurate scribe of past events. It seems that memory–as much as we don’t want to believe–defaults to “subjective mode” rather than “objective mode.” I think the most powerful point in your blog today however, is that our memories do demand to be reckoned with and it is our duty, even our obligation, to wade in and unpack them as best we can. As dark and painful as they first appear, it’s only by squaring off and facing them head on to see them for what they are–not what we hope them to be–will we ultimately know ourselves truly. Now that’s the kind of truth that can set us free! Looking forward to the book!
Go Scott! I’m very excited to read this book. My relationship with my own father is very far from ideal. But I must say that my relationship with him is what defines what kind of father I want to be to my own son. And that is a good thing.
I’m really curious to know how you’re relationship with your own father defines who you are as a person and as a husband.
Do it! Go Scott Go! Write Scott Write!
I am had a really good relationship with my father, but still am interested in your story.
There is something about fathers, sons and baseball. My dad played & coached softball with my sister & me. Watching\cheering for the Blue Jays with him while we were young also has a lot of special memories for me (didn’t hurt that they won two World Series, Go Jays!). So I am likely baseball biased.
Check out the movie: The Rookie. Great movie (I laugh and cry every time I watch it) and it involves two different father\son relationships.
All the best!
Thanks Nicole!
Baseball factors in the story. It’s my father’s favorite game and was mine for a time, but then I found basketball. This did not help :)
The Rookie was excellent – saw it a long time ago, but not with this book in mind.
The film The Vicious Kind is a gem exploring father son relationships by Lee Toland Krieger, protégée of filmmaker Neil Labute, who’s made so many excellent films exploring gender roles from the male perspective. Adam Scott’s performance is a masterpiece of sarcasm. His onscreen relationship with gifted character actor J. K. Simons provides deep and moving insights about the male psyche.
Thanks Joe. And it’s on Netflix streaming too:
http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/The_Vicious_Kind/70112476
Wow.
I’m interested – go Scott!
I’m always interested in whAt you have to say. I look forward to your new book. It’s brave and personal
Fathers… are interesting. For me I had an odd experience in the last year in that it was only in the process of watching my dad pass away from cancer over a few months that I realized that not only am I very much like him, but that I married someone who is also very much like my mother.
Sounds like a difficult project to tackle! I will be interested to read what you decide to present.
Every book has its own snakes. It has definitely been a challenging project so far. Thanks for commenting here.
My first writing teacher in college, Peter Griffin, taught us to “write what you know,” because “if you write the truth no one can take that away from you.” That semester, his book “Less Than A Treason: Hemingway in Paris” was shortlisted for a Pulitzer. Even though most of us hadn’t read the book we were all still rooting for him. The day after he learned he didn’t win, Griffen shared with us in class that the night before he had finally fallen off the wagon.
He would often confide in class about his struggles, about how hard life was for him and his wife, about being poor and not having a stable job, about the beaurocracy of Skidmore College and how the English Department was run by assholes. And he would talk about alcohol and how, along with age, it took away his edge. He would often talk about your edge, about doing things that kept your edge. “Keeping your edge” I understood at the time was akin to basically keeping it real.
Griffin was a big fan of pool, though he said he had stopped playing because he lost his edge. I didn’t really understand that then. Over a decade later in China I learned from a near-anonymous email that he had died. Even though I hadn’t kept in touch with him, and never read his book, I was still very sad by this random and sudden news. It had taken me years, but I had finally learned what he meant about the importance of finding and testing your edge.
Life will inevitably challenge one to take away his edge, and if you’re not careful you can lose it completely. So, it sounds like that’s what you’re doing with this new book, and nothing could be cooler. Tell the truth, find your edge, conquer your dragons.
I’m interested – go Scott!!
This is a fascinating topic for me Scott. I may send you an email with some thoughts (as a son and father).
You may be interested in a book that Euan Semple recommended recently: “Writing Life Stories: How to Make Memories into Memoirs, Ideas into Essays and Life into Literature” by Bill Roorbach. I haven’t read it myself, but I trust Euan’s recommendation.
Hi Scott,
I am definitely interested (I’ve read two of your books, and loved them).
What caught me in your post was the words about how some fathers can be “powerful, ambiguous, possibly unknowable” in their children’s minds. My father is like this to me. I’ve been thinking a lot about it since I became a father of a boy five years ago.
Related to that vision, a (not so high-brow) reference come to my mind: Daniel Wallace’s book Big Fish.
Hi! I’ll be reading definitely. Thinking a lot on the issue that we are not our parents, and still – they have so much influence on who we are, in spite of broken relationships or because of it. Go Scott :-)
I’m interested. Looking forward to it. I just watched Nebraska and that left me doing a lot of internal reflecting. Good luck!
I’ll join the interested chorus. My own relationship has been fraught and complex, and HIS with his father even more so. Sometimes I feel like the primary job of my life is to not become him while acknowledging and perpetuating the good things about him.
Unintended legacy is a fascinating concept, and failed parents typically are doing their best to overcome their own parents failures.
Thanks for leaving a comment.
I’m interested in your new book, looking forward to it, thank you. Do you already have a title, i mean would you use this articles title?
Some great recomandations in the comments above, i would suggest The Warriors where Nick Nolte plays a father. I think there is much about a father – son(s) relationship in that movie.
I do have a title and it’s not the tile of this post. When the first draft is done I’ll sort out if I’m staying with the title I have in mind.
Very interesting, looking forward to it.
Sounds like a great project — challenging and different. I will be watching closely.
My relationship with my Dad changed after he retired — but for the better. His career was in the Navy and he was away for long stretches at a time. I am glad I got to know him and actually develop a friendship with him when I was an adult. He died last year and I miss him so much even though I never saw him much as I moved away from our hometown after college… relationships with parents are so complex.
By the way, I still want you to come to Princeton Public Library for a talk next time you are on the east coast.
Near the beginning of The Odyssey, Athena asks Telemachos — son of Odysseus — “Are you, big as you are, the very child of Odysseus?” and the response follows:
Then the thoughtful Telemachos said to her in answer:
‘See, I will accurately answer all that you ask me.
My mother says indeed I am his. I for my part
do not know. Nobody really knows his own father.
(Lattimore’s translation)
Anyway, good luck!
Nice quote. The history of fathers and the expectations on them through history and across cultures is a fascinating subject. I’ll be focusing on my own story, but I expect some notes from my research will surface.
I am interested! Go Scott!
I also think that there are a lot of issues about parenting that can be pointed out in this book. To me, good parenting is the key towards building a better society.
Cool topic and it’ll probably bring a whole universe of new readers into your books. I’m curious though– do you have kids yourself? If not, it’ll be interesting to compare the book you write now to the book you might’ve written after a few years as a father.
It’s a good question – the answer is I don’t have children. if I did I’m sure my feelings about this project would be different. My brother does have children and his perspective may surface in the book too.
A great idea which I think will bring comfort to a lot of readers so that we might feel less alone with complex feelings like these. It’s important to know that we all suffer and only the braver such as yourself fearlessly confront these things so that we might all benefit from knowing we’re not alone.
Do it.
Thanks Martin!
This sounds like a great next project, Scott. Family relationships are so challenging; I’ve been working on mine for the last 5 years or so. Can’t wait to see how your story unfolds.
Do it! With your careful analytical thought process and lightweight writing style this can be really interesting.
I’m very interested. One, you’re a great writer. And two, I have a somewhat similar relationship with my father, I had a wonderful childhood (for the most part), and my dad was pretty present for that generation and generally loving and caring, though very strict. We got closer as I grew into adulthood, but then he decided to have an affair with a woman my age from another country and leave my mother. As your father did, he cut off pretty much all of his previous friend and family ties, except for the ones who didn’t think there was much of an issue with what he did. We are now (generally) estranged, and have a pretty strained relationship.
Like you, I’ve examined and re-examined my childhood events many times.
I’m looking forward to hearing about your experience. Maybe it will help me with mine.
Best of luck on this one. I hope it is a fruitful journey that many will benefit from witnessing.
In my own journey with my troubled father-daughter relationship I find that each time I walk down that road it takes a new turn. Your right, the past is so unpredictable as we bring new things along with each visit. Best of luck staying on the productive path as you go along.
Gutsy topic, and I’m interested. I’m always surprised when I hear someone say they had a difficult relationship with their father, because I’ve only known the opposite. My Dad…wow, I can’t talk about him without going into superlatives. He was the kindest, warmest, funniest, most honorable person that ever walked. It never occurred to me to think “what would Jesus do?” , it was always “what would my Dad do or think?” Maybe that’s why I’m not religious, I always felt I had somebody right there for answers! I know, I was incredibly lucky to have him, and he died way too soon.
This sounds like a great choice for a book, Scott: personal, yet relevant to many.
I have a strange relationship with my father: I love him, but from a distance (that was partly created by him and partly maintained by me). He is a religious extremist, and I sometimes struggle to communicate with him and worry about challenging his ideas and practices. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or be rude while pointing out his faults. I was surprised to discover that he has a very calm temperament while discussing religion (I grew up knowing him to have a short temper), but his reasoning remains deeply rooted in rationalizations that are difficult for me to break.
I believe his understanding of Islam has crippled his ability to engage well with his family and life, in general. During family gatherings he would put on a religious TV show and watch it, or leave us to pray. He feels the need to spend all his time either learning about Islam or performing rituals (even though there are many Islamic teachings that stress on the importance of social bonds over religious rituals). He spends hours daily in the mosque and rarely takes out my youngest sister, who’s living with him, because he doesn’t want to miss his prayers in the mosque, or encourage my sister to go out (because he wants her to be modest and find joy staying at home… even though she’s just 9).
I have a strong suspicion that he has ADD and is living in mental fog. Most of his free time is spent on religious observances or working on his struggling business. He always feels overwhelmed and short on time. Most of my communication with him is through my stepmother because he delegates phone calls to her.
A book on father-son relationships is extremely important in making sense of our fathers’ failings, developing our personal identity (that’s not based on their expectations for or impressions of us), and how to become better fathers by finding good role models or learning from our own negative experiences.
To give an example: When I was young I used to ask my father for permission to go to my aunt’s house and play with my cousins. He used to ask me: “Do you love them more than me?” I’d feel guilty saying yes, so I’d stay at home, even though we wouldn’t spend quality time together. Now, when my children want to sleep over at my in-laws’ house, I tell them: “I’m gonna miss you, but I want you to have loads of fun there, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Verrrrry interested in the book and in your experience of writing it, particularly since your father is still alive. I’ve wanted to write a similar book for about 20 years, but the dust-up it would cause in my family is a bit overwhelming to think about.
As I think about it and squirrel away little notes and journal entries on the topic, though, I find that the book I’d write today is much different than the book I would have written 20 years ago (for the better). Ah, to be 42 and not 22 anymore.
Re recommendations, I love browsing through memoirs at a bookstore, reading all the “author’s notes” or “disclaimers” about how the story is from their perspective, or their own truth, or whatever. It would be interesting to publish a book of memoirist disclaimers. :)
Hey Scott,
As I am a son and a father (and a grandfather later this year) I’m looking forward to the new book. If I would (read could) write a book on this topic I’d probable give it the title “Confusion comes with age”.
Good luck with the book.
Louis
Hi Scott.
I dimly recall where a magazine routinely asked for submissions in the first person by non-writers, that is, people who don’t free-lance to magazines. The editors found that half the submissions were about a man’s father.
No wonder you are getting so many comments. Go Scott.
My father passed away when I was fourteen; I’ve always wondered how different a man I would be if he’d been in my life as an adult. I’m looking forward to the book. Good luck.
Thanks Wayne. I’ve always wondered many things about alternative paths for my father and me.
posting this anonymously, but this really touches my heart. I would be very interested.
Thanks. I can understand staying anonymous as it took me awhile to find the courage to post this post. If you follow the blog you’ll hear news as the book gets closer to publication.
I’m interested. I love my kids… My problem is being able to afford them and give them what they need to succeed. I think the world/economy is heading downward, and don’t know how long the environment and things with the 1% getting it all can continue.
Thanks Marco. It’s hard to put the present in context, our brains just aren’t very good at that sort of thing. Pinker’s book Better Angels is probably a worthy read if you want some context for the present, hoping for some hope.
You might want to look at this both from your fathers and your point of view. Painful as it may be, humans find it hard to look at the other side.
Putra-Soham (Sanskrit) – the grief from your progeny. Living through a time when your kids suffer or die is perhaps the worst experience one can have.
Why don’t you spend time with people who lost their kids. It might make your book well rounded
Thanks for the comment and the suggestion.
Please. Just. Do. It.
There is an unfathomable gap between having a father and being a father. As Murali V mentions above, I can’t imagine losing a child. Or parent (yet).
Perhaps your work on this topic could help bridge that gap for those of us who are allegedly too busy or lazy to do the work. Either way, I support this as I believe it could fill your shelf, and, at minimum, nicely complement the excellent titles sitting there already.
Nicole mentions the baseball movie The Rookie. I thought the movie Field of Dreams was a delivery vehicle for the sad epiphany of the hero meeting his father.
Hi Scott, your post really resonates with me and wish you the best. Go Scott!
As someone who has also had a lot of work to do with my relationship with both parents, this project would be something I’d love to read about. Props to you for the willingness to dive in to something so personal.
Looking forward to this, Scott. I am certain you will bring a unique perspective to this topic that will help others wrestling with similar emotions.
I’ve spent a lot of the last few years analyzing my relationship with my children as it compares to my relationship with my parents. Some makes sense, and some makes no sense at all. I hope you can (as you have in the past), give me some insights I can use to improve and learn.
SUPER interested. Go Scott!
Thanks Linda.
Definitely interested in the book and the developments along the way as you write it.
There’s a documentary called ‘Absent’ that you may find interesting.
Thanks Clint. I’ll check out the documentary.
Sounds very interesting. As a son, and as a father to a little boy, I look forward to reading it.
I just finished re-reading Zinsser’s On Writing Well, and the 25th anniv edition (way newer than the edition I’d originally read) includes a chapter on memoir. I was never interested in writing a memoir of my own, but I’m reconsidering, not to publish for the world to read, but as part of a family record. For my son, really. I think Zinsser has written an entire book on writing a memoir. And if you haven’t read it, The Night of the Gun is a memoir of a journalist who approaches the process of writing his own memoir as he would a news piece: with audio recorders and interviews, and hearing multiple perspectives of the same people and events. Thorough exploration of the many roles of memory — really loved it.
Oh, and I’m interested — go Scott! :)
I am interested since my relationship with my dad had its own dark periods. I stayed away from home for 8 years … did you change your RSS? many posts are missing or me for some reason.
No change. Sorry about your darkness, but I’m at https://scottberkun.com/feed for many years.
I’m just now seeing this post, but I’m very much interested in your chosen topic for the next book. I always appreciate your take on human relationships, so I look forward to learning about your formative experiences. As for recommended reading, This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff comes to mind. His brother Geoffrey also wrote a book about the same father and both books were acclaimed — though I haven’t read the brother’s book.
You are indeed brave to post this topic, and albeit write an entire book on it… very interested – 100% support your authenticity, candor, and bare-it-all trusting in others – and helping all in doing it. Thank-you. I fully support your book… and will spread the word on it…
PS. I stayed away from family for 5 years at professional suggestions for Wisdom because of how particularly interesting my family was/is… I have a sense your book will be a bellwether sea-change potential for many…with difficult father relationships. I also have 2 sons, and find it challenging now… the tip on spending time with those who lost a child might well serve a balanced look at both sides of the coin… wisdom is well-served…
Awesome things to be pondering, Scott.
I had a dad who wasn’t a strong communicator but was very committed to his family. He didn’t know his father. He had no example (and a few poor examples) of fathering. As I said at his memorial service, with no model to follow, there were plenty of things he didn’t have an inkling how to do (like the rest of us), but what’s important is that he took a giant leap from what he received to what he gave his kids. And that’s what I’ve tried to do with my son. Each generation, in its turn, has a duty to jump high and far. By example, he taught us to do this, too.
Would love to talk with you about your journey.
Go for it Scott – very interesting direction to share and explore.
I think there’s also an interesting angle on the mothers role in shepherding the relationships. My father worked, my mum stayed home, and ‘Wait till your father get’s home’ was used to keep us kids in line, without my father realizing how it influenced our engagement with him when he came home from work. It was the 70s and life was different. I like to think I keep out of the way of my husband having a relationship with our daughters but who knows how I am probably influencing it directly or indirectly.
Scott, great topic, and love the diversity in writing.
I am a father to two young children and lost my dad days before my oldest was born.
Had a great childhood until divorce ripped the dynamic apart, and am trying to avoid that entirely now as a dad.
Eager to see your work!
Scott, always look forward to your writing and musings. I am interested is why fathers leave their children and is it really happening in far greater numbers? I’m interested in the psychological implications for both genders? I think I am watching the 3rd generation of men in my family have affairs. Learned? Cultural? What’s always interesting is the powerful response we have as children, “I would never!” and then the cycle plays out again as adults. So many interesting ideas, I’ll look forward to your posts.
Scott, go for it! I love your departure from your tech topics. A memoir-like book about my own difficult family is something I think about a lot. You are giving me courage. Can’t wait to read.